This time I am writing a story by request of a friend at The Outlaw Safehouse. It’s been a long time since I wrote this kind of story, so bear with me if I’m a bit rusty.

Back when Heather and I lived together I decided I needed a vacation. (I hadn’t been anywhere since my divorce and really needed out of Dallas. Of course I haven’t been out of Dallas in a while now and need to get out of town but I digress.) I decided I wanted to see who was playing in Vegas because I love Vegas and if there was someone worth seeing I would definitely want to go. And, as luck would have it, The White Stripes were playing The Joint at The Hard Rock. That made up my mind for me and I booked the reservations.

Heather and I flew out to Vegas for a nice 4-day weekend. I got us a suite at The Venetian, which I love, by the way. In all honesty, we were having a pretty good time. I bought a new camcorder and we got some fun video (not that kind you pervert). Of course Heather wanted to do something more Vegas and we had been offered some Riverdance tickets (Lord of the Dance or whatever) so we went.

Riverdance is not exactly my kind of show. I will grant you that they are talented, but I have never been a huge fan of dance in general, despite being able to appreciate the skill involved. Add in what is essentially a very weak plot and I am not going to be thrilled with the show. But Heather was enjoying it so I was happy. That is until she asked me to sneak some video of the show. I actually had no problem doing that because I didn’t care that much if they asked me to stop. I got about 10 minutes of video before they said to stop.

Unfortunately the brief part I got featured, for the most part, the two female leads.

For the record these were cute women. But I was not ogling them or anything like that. At the time I was totally in love with Heather and I had absolutely no desire to be with any other woman. But when Heather saw what was on the video she was pissed. Obviously the fact that the video was mostly the two female leads meant I wanted to fuck them. And, of course, this was something I was actually going to try and would probably achieve. I mean, I am just that cute and charming, right? (Note: to the sarcasm impaired, that is sarcasm)

So Heather went ballistic.

It wasn’t just that I had the audacity to film the women who happened to be on the stage at the time, one of them was the “bad guy” in the story. That must mean what I secretly wanted was slutty evil women. Anyone who knows me knows this is exactly what I chase. (Note, this is sarcasm again. You really should start picking up on that.) So I was getting absolutely lambasted for filming something she asked me to film, and for apparently scheming to have some sort of 3-way with a pair of dancers. Now, in the time following Heather this might have actually been something I would have contemplated, but at the time, no way.

Needless to say the rest of the night didn’t go well. In fact she didn’t exactly start being nice to me again until after we had done some shopping the following day. (Yes, I am stupid.) But she did kind of get over it. And the trip started going OK again until the next night, when we had tickets for the White Stripes show.

If you have ever been to a show at The Joint you know 2 things. First, it is an absolutely awesome place for a show. It is pretty small and you can get real close to the stage pretty easily. The second is that the women who go there often dress very provocatively. Now, I have been to a lot of shows at a lot of venues, so I feel very safe in saying this is to an extreme far beyond the normal slutting up some women do for a concert. Maybe it’s the combination of the concert and Vegas, but if you want to see hot women looking their best, The Joint is a great place to go.

But I was still VERY aware of what had happened the last night. If being at a show where 2 hot women happened to be dancing got me in trouble I was pretty sure being in what is essentially a club full of equally hot women, looting their best, any of whom I could have actually talked to if I so desired was bad news. I literally spent the whole time waiting to get in, and then in the club waiting for the opening act, staring at my feet.

But Heather was very insecure, despite the fact she was extremely attractive, young and absolutely my type physically. So the more she saw these women the madder she got, even though absolutely nothing was happening. Honestly I was scared to go to the bar to grab a beer for fear that a woman might actually be somewhere between where I was and the bar. So I sat on the floor, by the wall, looking at my Doc Martens, waiting for the eruption.

I didn’t have to wait long.

As I sat there trying to stay out of the way someone tripped over my foot. And, just my luck, it was a very trashy looking woman in all leather, including fringe. I can honestly say that this woman’s look was so tacky that I didn’t see if she was attractive. What I saw was stupid looking fringe. Of course what Heather saw was me “checking out” this woman as I glanced up to see who had just kicked my boot.

At that, it was on.

Heather started to absolutely go nuts. “How could you disrespect me like that? How could you want such a slutty woman? Is that what you want, a whore?” I was torn between being mad, being embarrassed and being scared of losing her, and I literally had done nothing wrong. After about 5 minutes I said I couldn’t deal with this, got up and left the club. Needless to say I never got to see The White Stripes.

But the night was not yet over…