I hesitated writing this post. Honestly I have been avoiding writing anything serious for a long time. Granted that has been easy since I had taken a serious dating hiatus, hence I had less sources of new material. But I still have old stories I could have trotted out that I never told. I just didn’t feel like hearing any grief from people who used to know me or thought they knew me. But the time has come. This is a story that deserves to be told.

See, I have gradually ventured back in to the dating world. I even have one story I am fighting letting out, but I have reason to believe that the person who it’s about would read it and really have her feelings hurt, and I don’t want that. (But it IS a good story and, damnit, has some excellent advice for the ladies built in.) I’m fairly sure she told people about this blog and if any of her friends read about why I’m not going out with her anymore she’d really be embarrassed. That one is going to take some time and distance so she’ll have plausible deniability.

This one, however…

See, I met someone online again. I know, I know, I should know better. But I meet absolutely nobody at work and as that makes up 55-60 of my waking hours each week my opportunities to meet people are limited. I never go out when I have my son, so that leaves about 4 days a month, most of which I spend trying to recover from the other 27.

So we met online and spent some time chatting. I decided pretty quickly there wasn’t a great match. This is a woman with basically no sense of humor. Obviously if you read this blog and/or Scary Personals, you understand that I joke around a lot. So someone who has no sense of humor is not a good match for me. But I let it slide because some people just don’t catch humor in chats, and she’s been through a lot this year, so I cut her some slack. Besides she was a little less humorless on the phone.

Then the drama started.

Let me explain I am not being picky about drama here. Her family has been through a lot and that is not at all the drama that I am talking about. You cannot help health problems at all. And, if you happen to have a couple of shitty distant relatives, this is not your fault. But there are things you can help. Among those are being constantly involved with your exes.

You all know how I feel about exes. An ex is an ex for a reason. Bu we are not talking about exes as friends. We are talking about hooking up with exes. Repeatedly. Yes, in a matter of less than 2 weeks a woman who wanted to go out with me unburdened herself about her escapades with exes.

Three times.

First there was the “recent med school grad” that she went out with and, after they had a fight, she basically dumped on the side of the road. Apparently that didn’t go over too well with him, or her mother for that matter. But, hey, it’s OK because he was an abusive controlling asshole, according to her. (Begging the question, why was she was back with him, but I digress.)

Then there was the guy (working in the oil industry) who she went out with that shaved her. Yes, you read that right, he shaved her. A woman who was vying for my attention was, at the exact same time, getting naked in a tub with another guy who she let shave her. Of course that wasn’t even the weird part of the story. You see, in the period after the shaving, while they were naked and making out, he let her know he was engaged. But he recovered nicely when she got upset. He proposed to her, with a ring. Granted, it was the ring he had bought for the other woman he was “engaged” to, but still a valiant effort. Of course she told me how irate the whole thing made her. This became evident when, the following night, she tried to chat with him online, which is, of course, the logical thing to do when you never want to talk to someone again.

Guess who was actually logged in to the IM she thought was her, well, what do I call him? Whatever he is, it wasn’t him. It was his fiancé. And she didn’t much care for this woman trying to chat up her man. Of course the woman I was chatting with didn’t back down and they had an electronic cat fight where the whole shaving, make-out, confession, and proposal tale came out. I actually wish I had that transcript.

But, no, we’re not done. A couple of days later she’s in a bad mood again. Did I mention she seems to be in bad moods pretty regularly? Yeah, she does. But this time she had a reason to be in a bad mood. It seems she was late. I assume everyone understands what I mean by late. But she was not worried that med-school boy or oil field guy had knocked her up. You see, she had seen both of them far too recently to possibly be the father even if they did hook up. No, the suspected father in this case was a lawyer she had gone out with and went to Oklahoma to visit. And, according to her, when she told him he supposedly said it was “not his problem”. Which, to me anyway, indicates he’s not much of a lawyer.

Of course the normal response of a woman who suspects she might be pregnant would be to get a pregnancy test to get an answer, but that would be too simple. Instead she didn’t do anything and, apparently, finally had her period, so she’s not knocked up.

For those who are wondering, it was about this time (post “I might be pregnant but I’m not getting a test” but pre “Whew, I’m not pregnant”) that I came to the conclusion this was not someone I would consider anything real with. Seriously, if you manage to have that much drama in less than two weeks I am not going to consider you a candidate for a serious relationship. Even with my very colorful past I have limits.

So this one is out of contention.

Next?